"What a Beautiful Mess"

Sometimes life is hard.

Not a profound statement, but a universal and widely known truth. Still, it's easy to get caught up in the wants of life, wishing we had something more, wishing we had something less, wishing, wishing. I have a blessed life. I have a family that I love more than they could ever know. I attend a school/major that tests my determination, gives me wise and compassionate professors, and prepares me for more than a career. I have great friends that remind me to be a kid for a while, and support me as I tackle the daily challenges of a college student. AND I have the Lord. He does more for me than I even know.

Typically, though, I take this for granted, and last week I was feeling the repercussions of spending way too many hours in the library, way too many hours awake, way too many hours stressing, way too many hours away from those who know me best, and way too many hours thinking. SO, with perfect timing, the concert tickets that Emily gave me for my birthday came due, and on Tuesday we set off to see Jason Mraz in Salt Lake City. BEST concert I have ever been to. Somewhere between the opportunity to spend time with Emily, chat with my parents, and not touch a single thing related to school , my petty way-to0-manys became a thing of the past. It may sound cheesy, but the motivational words that comprise Jason's lyrics proved to be cathartic, especially as he had us sing rounds of "I won't worry my life away" and "Everything little thing is gonna be alright." Not to mention how dumbstruck we all felt as he closed the concert with the most moving rendition of his song "Beautiful Mess". His words, and that day, were my reality check.

(He looks farther away than he was; seriously though, he was better in real life than on CD)

What a fun adventure life is. If we never experience the exhaustion of hard work, we never reap the benefits. If we never experience loss, we never appreciate gain. If we never lose sight of things, we never really see things through clearer, more understanding eyes.

"Kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
Cause here we are, here we are
Here we are
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the way it was so worth it."

I LOVE YOU ALL!

Late night writer's block

My attempt at writing away my writer's block:

The library janitor cleaning the artistic wooden structure next to me is clearing my sinuses with her premium wood polisher. Tapping her feet, she listens to music with an earbud in that blasts its R&B sound waves way beyond her personal bubble. Those sound waves sound a lot like Beyonce. She sprays a little bit too much, and subsequently, she inhales, causing her to cough. She sprays a little bit too much again, this time completely missing the structure, causing the drops to fall inches away from belongings. She sincerely apologizes. I tell her it’s fine. Nice girl. Not two seconds later, the cute boy sitting across from me drops his mechanical pencil with an impressive amount of noise; he looks around to make sure no one was disturbed and goes back to typing away some mysterious homework assignment. Mysterious because the notebook next to him is blank. I think my mind has ADD because the slightest unzipping of a red backpack from the boy fifty feet away has no trouble stealing my attention away from my assignment on the novel Running Loose. Why is Chris Crutcher’s story so remarkable, anyway?

It was somewhat successful.

"Life is a runaway train you can't wait to jump on"

I have found, in the last few months, that the so-called stage of adolescence has left me in the dust. The dust was here, blurring my vision, leaving me in contentment, and has since completely dissipated. I am 21, in fact. I am hardly an adolescent, I'm an adult. I don't really feel like an adult in some ways...I dance to Beyonce in my room, I fight over boys with my roommate Aubry, I have the impulse to buy a snowboarding season pass, I keep tabs on Taylor Swift's myspace page, I sleep in on Saturday's, I make sure that poptarts and pb&j are a staple in my diet...the list could go on forever.

The fact that I am 21 is not the only reason that leads me to believe adulthood has slowly and sneakily taken over my life. Next semester is my last real semester at BYU; the semester after that is my student teaching...and then I'm a college graduate. I got a job last week as a math and reading instructor at Sylvan Learning Center...no more easy, mindless, data entry. Something respectable. Whether I have realized it or not, I have jumped on the fast moving train that takes me on to higher places.

My efforts used to feel futile. The future was so faraway. Now, however, the future is practically here, and that is exhilarating and frightening at the same time. I try to live in the moment, and I stand in awe at the possibilities of what could be.

3 years ago I was a naive, silly, freshman...I have no clue where the time has gone. I am excited to have this blog so I can make sure that the next 3 years go a little slower. I want to revel in the moment, reminisce, and speculate about the future. All aboard.