...do I have to say it? I won't lie. Everyday I push myself to be an intellectual, to be the inspiration you hear about, to be that girl. In reality, though, I'm afraid I'm achieving nothing of what I work for. That concerns me for my own personal reasons, but it concerns me for others who I may let down, as well. Sometimes, I feel like I am pushing my goals up that proverbial hill only for the goals to roll back. At the last minute, that feeling of defeat is the only thing in my binocular vision and an arms length away. It's not real defeat though; I just think I'm not getting anywhere, because I don't see immediate results. I don't write this, then, to receive sympathy or even encouragement; I can generate that myself as soon as I come clean. So, this is me coming clean/being honest with myself and pulling away from all of my fronts. In order to avoid being cryptic...I'll translate:
I do not have it all figured out; I've never had all of the answers=I don't know what I'm doing.
I can put forth more time and effort=I waste time.
I do like to run (in all connotations of the word)=Down the street, around my problems, etc.
I do not have to be all song and dance...but it helps=I'm tired of being creative.
I am only one step ahead of the wolf pack=Those I teach could but WON'T eat me alive.
"I wanna make a brand new ground"=I have big, scary goals.
"I still haven't found what I'm looking for"=You know what it equals.
Life doesn't rest, it sprints=The world and those in it keep moving.
I'm winded=I'm trying to keep up...and I need to exercise more.
I'm marvelous (like the Lady Gaga chorus)=I'll give myself some credit.
Life is awesome. For real. I have an incredible family, friends, and job. I just need to get over my rebelious self that tries to fight reality, and I need to tell myself that I'm either doing what I can, or I'm not doing everything I can and I need to get by butt in gear. Which reminds me, I have lessons to plan.
Now that I've probably left you confused, let me leave you with these totally awesome pictures of my henna tattoo (that now only looks like dirt on my arm...sad).
