Kaleidoscope Heart

John Mayer

Jason Mraz

Taylor Swift

Michelle Branch

These are just a few musicians that have stolen my heart in someway and managed to hold onto it for years. For someone who lacks musical talent, I have this strange tendency to be picky about who I listen to. To be honest, the reason for my pickiness is a combination of being an English nerd (lyrics are KEY), and being a sucker for raw talent. So, lyrics like "Pedicures on my toes, toes. Boys blowin up my phones, phones," and "I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket," do not sit well with me. I will turn my nose up at Ke$ha, Kanye West, Miley Cyrus, Toby Keith, and any number of other artists who rub me as artificial. One artist, who won me over about 2 years ago, has recently cemented her position on my "Favorite Artists" list.

Welcome, Sara Bareilles.

This girl has serious soul. I have been obsessed with Sara's new cd "Kaleidoscope Heart" since it came out in September. I can't deny lyrics like, "Won't somebody come on in, tug at my seams, oh send your armies in, robbers and thieves to steal the state I'm in, I don't want it anymore." Don't even get me started on the imagery and analogy working in this lyric, "Jumpstart my kaleidoscope heart, love to watch the colors fade, they may not make sense but they sure as hell made me." Serious poetry (wow, I'm so cool right now).

Anyway, just last Wednesday I went and saw her live, and it was impressive, moving, brilliant, beautiful, etc. Here she is with one of her openers singing back-up (Holly Conlan, also quite good).

I took a few videos; although, I can't get them to upload! So, I suggest you take a look at "Basket Case" live, "Gravity" live, and "Kaleidoscope Heart" live with just a harmonium accompaniment. Someone from the same concert I went to uploaded a video of Sara's cover of Radiohead's "Nice Dream;" her two openers, Holly Conlan and Cary Brothers, helped with a verse. Check it out, it's pure magic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvUs0npP6Ng (She holds the last note for 15 seconds!)

Music is something I am thankful for this Thanksgiving...among many many other things!

Sky, Don't Let the Sun Go

There are so many things I want to blog about, for once. What are the hot topics rolling around in my head?...How many pumpkin foods I've eaten (and baked) in the last month, how much I hate that it's almost winter, how the new Taylor Swift and Sara Bareilles cds are off-the-chain, how I use out of date slang quite often, how this week's episode of Private Practice was really disturbing, how I almost got attacked by a black cat today while taking pictures with my 35mm, how my students don't know how to write a complete sentence, how I got a little emotional at a student's graduation/farewell, and how ridiculously funny and good looking I am (ha).
Oh, the list could go on.

I've decided this beautiful and rare blogging opportunity should not be tainted by the menial things in my life, however...so, I'll take you deeper.

I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love, and while it is taking me forever to read it, I wish I had the time to finish it in one sitting, because I love it so far. There is something in Elizabeth Gilbert's style that resonates with me. She's honest in her voice, and yet, she knows that her words are for an audience. Somehow, she manages to balance both, and I feel like I could learn from Ms. Gilbert. Anyway, I was reading the other day and was struck by a discussion that she had with her Italian friend.

"...Every city has a single word that defines it, that defines most people that live there. If you could read most people's thoughts as they were passing you on the streets of any given place, you would discover that most of them are thinking the same thought. Whatever that majority thought might me--that is the word of the city (103)."

Elizabeth and her friend go on to give examples. New York City's word may be "achieve," while Los Angeles' word may be "succeed." Then, for a few good paragraphs, Elizabeth tries to decide what her word is (Seek? Hide? Pleasure?). She hasn't figured it out yet, but I haven't finished the book either. Like any good nerd (the votes were overwhelming from the last post), I took this as a challenge as well.

Now, Provo's word is probably "marriage." Not a bad word to have roaming around in your head every once in a while, but I would rather not think about that constantly. You might think my word is "educate;" although, that would be an exhausting word to carry with me everywhere, as well. So, for now, I believe my word is "support." I try to give my students the support they need to be good, confident, educated citizens. I try to support my family, and I try to support my friends. I try to support myself as well!

When my students hear something they agree with, they all yell, "Support!" It's something they have learned through the community of their unit, but I think it's a great idea for life. Most of my students are in their current situation because they did not have the proper support. Plus, we could all use a little more support on a daily basis! Of course, if you choose, you can feel the constant support of our wonderful Heavenly Father. You can't put a price on strong supportive relationships.

What's your word?

"Stay a little longer you know, you're making me feel I'm not alone."-Sara Bareilles

I just got nerdier...and glasses

I can't decide if I'm a gangsta or a nerd.

I can recite Left-Eye "If you can't spatially expand my horizons, then that leaves you in a class with scrubs never risin'. I don't find it surprisin' if you don't have the g's to please me and bounce from here to the coast of overseas. So, let me give you somethin' to think about..."

I can still do the jerk!!!! haha

BUT, I can also tell you that Edgar Allan Poe is credited with inventing the detective novel; "there" refers to a place, "their" refers to possession, and "they're" means they are. Mark Twain/Samuel Clemens was the master of dialect, "facetious" is a fancy word for "joking," and a story cannot exist without a conflict.

I can spell antidisestablishmentarianism off the top of my head.

I've got my feet in the best of both worlds, kind of (I say "rad" and apparently that's not cool anymore...and I'm still a white girl).

Rant

I opened this empty blogpost thinking I could pound out an update in no time. Instead, I opened it, looked at the white space, and quickly brought up another tab in my browser. I'm not in denial that I have something to say, but...

...do I have to say it? I won't lie. Everyday I push myself to be an intellectual, to be the inspiration you hear about, to be that girl. In reality, though, I'm afraid I'm achieving nothing of what I work for. That concerns me for my own personal reasons, but it concerns me for others who I may let down, as well. Sometimes, I feel like I am pushing my goals up that proverbial hill only for the goals to roll back. At the last minute, that feeling of defeat is the only thing in my binocular vision and an arms length away. It's not real defeat though; I just think I'm not getting anywhere, because I don't see immediate results. I don't write this, then, to receive sympathy or even encouragement; I can generate that myself as soon as I come clean. So, this is me coming clean/being honest with myself and pulling away from all of my fronts. In order to avoid being cryptic...I'll translate:

I do not have it all figured out; I've never had all of the answers=I don't know what I'm doing.

I can put forth more time and effort=I waste time.

I do like to run (in all connotations of the word)=Down the street, around my problems, etc.

I do not have to be all song and dance...but it helps=I'm tired of being creative.

I am only one step ahead of the wolf pack=Those I teach could but WON'T eat me alive.

"I wanna make a brand new ground"=I have big, scary goals.

"I still haven't found what I'm looking for"=You know what it equals.

Life doesn't rest, it sprints=The world and those in it keep moving.

I'm winded=I'm trying to keep up...and I need to exercise more.

I'm marvelous (like the Lady Gaga chorus)=I'll give myself some credit.

Life is awesome. For real. I have an incredible family, friends, and job. I just need to get over my rebelious self that tries to fight reality, and I need to tell myself that I'm either doing what I can, or I'm not doing everything I can and I need to get by butt in gear. Which reminds me, I have lessons to plan.

Now that I've probably left you confused, let me leave you with these totally awesome pictures of my henna tattoo (that now only looks like dirt on my arm...sad).

The illest MCs

It's the end of summer school, and I can honestly say it has been quite the experience.

By the way, what's with the word "experience"? "Experience" seems to be perceived as a disguise for "horrible moment" or "struggle" but that requires a negative adjective in front of it...so, leave "experience" alone, okay? He just wants you to have a nice happening.

Anyway, I've been teaching these kids at Slate Canyon and they are amazing. I think we have all gotten an education this summer, teacher included. The boys got to learn about adverbs, themes, persuasion, spelling (who knew you could spell "resilient" as "rizileant?"), critical thinking, poetry, and so much more. I got to learn about finding student motivation, breaking things down simply, checking understanding, overcoming difficult backgrounds, and so much more. We all walked away a little better...I hope.

My roommate Kristen used to say that I was the teacher that cared more about the students than the content. That's flattering and only somewhat true. I have many students that got addicted to drugs at an early age. 15, 14, 13. While it is humbling to hear their stories and their doubts about future success, I can't sit and console them and forget about my job. I feel like the number one problem these boys face is either a negative outlook on life in general because of what they've seen in the past or a negative outlook on the future because their weaknesses are strong. I can do something about this kind of indirectly and not so indirectly.

My students know I'm all about the positivity, contentment, happiness. I don't allow the phrase "I can't," as corny as that policy sounds. We had a poetry unit that received instant groans. But, in this unit, we learned that poetry and rap are very similar (Tupac was a great poet too). Many of my students write raps and SURPRISE there was an instant connection. SO, I took it upon myself to take up their trade. Yes, I started laying down some rhymes. My students had the best reaction to, "Better believe I've got endless hope in all of you guys/Now, tell me which teacher is the illest and most wise." THAT'S ME (duh).

Come end of the summer, we had an awards ceremony. Some of my students had the brilliant idea to collaborate on a rap. My coworker and I talked about a message, ultimately deciding that it should be about making the most of your life. My coworker, Dave, laid down the beat; I wrote a verse. Two of my students joined the effort, and while it took serious effort for them to write an optimistic message, I am VERY pleased with the outcome. We played the rap at the ceremony and it was a hit.

(First student raps my part, with a tiny bit of struggle because of "flow differences," until 1:06.)

Click to hear music file (Click "Positive Balance")

Some of my favorite lines from the boys:

"A direct effect of intellect is respect."

"Learn to be the most positive because in life you learn God take God give."

"Try to build on other people's self-esteem when you speak.

"A daily challenge makes a positive balance."

"You gotta learn from mistakes and keep your goals in sight."

"You've gotta think before you act and make a firm decision."

"Keep a positive you and use the tools you've been given." (THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT)

I'll Keep My Shoes

I have a student that is willing to sing me his raps in class.
I have a student that is a beautiful artist but wants to be the next Bear Grylls.
I have a student that broke his hand on a wall.
I have a student that slips his personal poetry on my desk. Poetry about fears and a working conscience.
I have a student that beams from ear to ear.
I have a student that gets more angry with every passing day, because he has 9 long months left of looking at razorwire.
I have a student that looks too much like David Archuleta.
I have students who are just kids.
Just kids.

Live to Tell

"Making art is chancy--it doesn't mix well with predictability. Uncertainty is the essential, inevitable and all-pervasive companion to your desire to make art. And tolerance for uncertainty is the prerequisite to succeeding." -Art & Fear

About four weeks ago, I was offered a teaching job at a detention center. For 24 hours, I wrestled with myself. I made a pro/con list, and I weighed the likelihood of both driving myself crazy and getting shanked in the leg with a spork from the kitchen. When I stripped down all of the ridiculous excuses of not accepting the job, the truth came out.

What if all of these educated years were building me up to be the ultimate scam artist? I only appear to teach you English, and I only appear to care about you. Grammar? What's that? Writing? I've never done it.

It turns out, I was apprehensive about my own ability to succeed, not the student's criminal records. I do consider teaching and writing to be my form of art. Like the quote says, nothing stunts art like uncertainty and the fear of failure...and yet, nothing is as progressive either.

Once I realized my fear, I quickly got over it. It's been two weeks, and tomorrow the first big writing assignment is due. We'll see if Izzy has learned what those, "Two upside down commas are," and we'll see if Al has figured out how to capitalize. We'll see a lot of things. I have all the confidence in the world in these kids; I know they have already learned a lot, and I have learned a lot too.

Besides learning the difference between barbed wire and razor wire, I've learned that making judgements based on appearance are bad (some of my toughest looking students, are the nicest/ most sincere). I've learned that kids are kids...no matter what. I've learned that the students like to see me embarrass myself for their benefit.

Most of all, I've learned that I have so much to learn. Have I mentioned that I LOVE learning?

(PS-Stay tuned for sneaky pictures of my classroom)